A few nights ago, I had a dream that I cut my own legs off with a hacksaw. Well, it was some kind of saw. Not intentionally. The sawing was intentional, completely severing the leg was not. I was watching someone or something whilst hacking away. I looked down, and alas! My legs weren't attached anymore. Anyway, in the dream, I sewed the leg back on. Later in the dream (I imagine it was later because the wounds were gone, and I had a disgusting scar) I did it again. That time, I couldn't sew them back on. My left leg was cut to the bone, my right wasn't attached. I held it to the small amount of thigh remaining and stared at it emotionlessly. Then I woke up.

I told my therapist this, and he had the audacity to ask if I'd actually go through with cutting off my own legs. Now I think he's crazy. I guess he's just worried. I'm not the type of person to believe there's some hidden meaning in our dreams, but I'm a little curious as to why my rat-maze of a brain would think up something so... that... I haven't watched any slasher flicks lately...

1. Chicken McNuggets

Chicken McNuggets are the undisputed champs of all things evil. Everything about them, from their alluring golden exterior to their heart-attack, diabetes inducing interior, are diabolically designed to corrupt the minds of America's young. And it's not just America anymore folks. McDonald's has gone global!

First, let's take a look as to what exactly is in McNuggets.

From McDonalds.com:

Chicken McNuggets®:
White boneless chicken, water, food starch-modified, salt, seasoning (autolyzed yeast extract, salt, wheat starch, natural flavoring (botanical source), safflower oil, dextrose, citric acid, rosemary), sodium phosphates, seasoning (canola oil, mono- and diglycerides, extractives of rosemary). Battered and breaded with: water, enriched flour (bleached wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), yellow corn flour, food starch-modified, salt, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate, calcium lactate), spices, wheat starch, whey, corn starch. Prepared in vegetable oil ((may contain one of the following: Canola oil, corn oil, soybean oil, hydrogenated soybean oil with TBHQ and citric acid added to preserve freshness), dimethylpolysiloxane added as an antifoaming agent).
CONTAINS: WHEAT AND MILK.

Basically, it's a horde of chemicals to make you think what you're eating is actually chicken... In a lawsuit against the McEmpire, a judge described these meaty chunks as a “McFrankenstein” creation.

 

I'm not even going to rant about how unhealthy they are, because everyone knows by now (or should). The problem is that they aren't marketed to people who understand how unhealthy they are. The majority of their adds (as well as the McDonald's play pens) are specifically designed to McBrainwash the youth of the world (save third world countries). Hook 'em while they're young, just like the tobacco company back in its day. McDonald's is targeting even younger, and more impressionable victims. With the addictive qualities of fast food, the next generation will be snorting the greasy goodness like crack.

Ronald McDonald isn't laughing with you. He's laughing at you. What little money the next generation hasn't spent on Big Macs and Quarter Pounders will be spent on hospital bills for prosthetic legs and heart surgery. The majority of people will be out of work due to health issues. Eventually, the economy will crumble. McDonald's will be gone, but the damage already done. People, having forgotten how to cook or hunt, will starve. In their desperation, the strong will feed off the weak. Society will collapse, and humans will regress back to their primitive ways.

Chicken McNuggets, once a fun snack, secretly a plot to destroy humanity...

           2. Black Friday

Black Friday brings out the envious, greedy bastards in all of us. Myself included. Which isn't bad. Who doesn't like a good sale? But camping out the night before, clawing the other customers with your fingernails to get the best deal on the last pack of MaxiPads, using your shopping cart or baby's stroller as a buffer to get to the camping gear for the next Black Friday...

This particular day is especially evil because it takes the best of us and turns us into monsters. To bring up the Joker again, he said that, given a push, all the morals ever conceived go out the window. That push, apparently, is ridiculous sales (that you can probably find on eBay every day of the year...). Even the sweetest of grandmothers are using their walkers and oxygen tanks to beat the other customers senseless. And, of course, there are the infamous stories of the shootout at Toys 'R Us or the stampede at WalMart. Seriously, do you really need the new LCD TV that badly?

And, whatever deals you got, that $400 off a new laptop, will probably be going to the hospital bills for the life threatening injuries you sustained while getting that new laptop.

 

Look familiar?

        3. Nuclear Warheads

I'm not going to lie. The only reason nuclear warheads even made it on this list is because they kill vast amounts of people in horrendous ways. At least let me give a reason as to why they're last on the list.

Nuclear warheads are so evil that most world leaders agree they should never be used. Getting the world leaders to agree on something is an outstanding achievement. Albeit, they agreed not to annihilate each other, but that's beside the point.

The only people truly insane enough to actually use a nuclear warhead, are probably the terrorists. Whereas, Chicken McNuggets target children and kill people slowly through diabetes and strokes, and Black Friday turns people into material-obsessed monsters. The aforementioned evils corrupt the innocent. Nuclear warheads are objects created by the corrupt.

In the event of a nuclear holocaust, we still have our dignity. We did not bring these calamitous objects upon us by indulging in a food, like Chicken McNuggets, or feeding our avarice on Black Friday. We, as ordinary citizens, are blameless. (Unless you happen to be one of the political figures who decided to bring about a nuclear war, then you are to blame...)

Lastly, the fear of nuclear warheads brought upon some great movies. Like Godzilla.

Yeah ... I'm bored...